Horses and a Night Light

I’ve decided to live.

Now don’t become alarmed, let me continue. Recently the reality was faced that I am prone to the Big D. To spell it out the d-e-p-r-e-s…ok you on board now? No matter how hard I’ve tried to deny the existence of this sneaky dragon, it always rears backs and sets my door to life a flame leaving me without an exit. That is until…dun dun dun…I slayed the dragon.

I said it. Ha! I should write a children’s book…Addie and Freddie would love it!

Anyways, back to my original statement. I’ve decided to not place myself into this situation of stagnant life. I realize I’ve said this multiple times before, so here is to sticking with it. If I attempt to retreat, I give you all permission to break down my door with an axe…literally. I’m not joking here folks.

I hoping to look past ambition and pride and be where I am and love it.

To love my dear friends and families and baby to come (no, not mine. Seriously, do you guys know me at all?).

To enjoy my current job at Our House (shameless plug for our new website www.ourhoushelter.org) , to look past the horrible politics and lack of appropriate boundaries that will be found at any organization and to see that I’m not there for any reason than the shelter residents: to listen and be with them on their journey.

Even if this job is not fitting to my graduate degree and definitely hinders paying off my student loan debt, oh and doesn’t really help me gain experience in the field I intended to be in, it is an ideal job of loving others when the conditions can provide for higher cynicism, but then there is that one story. That one day where everyone gets along and there is an air of community and respect for others. During certain weeks that day seems a far distant memory, but when it comes the hope is renewed within me. We are all children that need love. The idea of adulthood is fleecing and somewhat a dead end for me. Yes, we should have a higher ability to function as we age, but when we don’t we should not be called complete failures. We, or maybe just I, need the sense that I will always remain a child. I will always see the weird faces in the bricks of buildings and laugh at inappropriate noises that a paint roller makes. To slow down and stop reverting back to logic, but to dream and dream small! A goal: to write and paint everyday and remember the joy of creating.

Also, I’m searching out part-time work to help meet those darn student loan bills. Today, I interviewed with the public library and should know something rather soon if I will be hired as a “page”…aka the new Super Woman of Shelving Books. Though, just in case, I ran over and put in an application at Market Street Cinema. Free movies?! Let’s hope one of these works out.

Along the same lines, I’ve found a glorious organization that I will soon be volunteering with: Hearts and Hooves (another shameless plug www.heartsandhooves.com ) a therapeutic riding facility. I should be doing anything from being a side walker to grooming country dogs. I adore horses and wanted to gain knowledge about how animals provide emotional releases for those with disabilities, trauma, and other “issues.” Guess the country is still within this Arkansas girl.

Along with these adventures, my hope is to be more aware of the needs of my friends and family. They all have taken care of me over the past multiple years of trials and I hope that I can be with them if they face any and partake in the joyous occasions as well. I’m starting to sound like a horribly written Hallmark card.

It has been a while since I’ve taken the time to sit down and write. I don’t think I was in the place were I wanted to share the thoughts that were arising in my head, but now the light has pushed out the darkness. Even if the light is a small night light attached to my wall.